From the collection, Yearnings © 2004
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Day after day, stone upon stone,
I build this stairway to Heaven’s door.
And night after night, the darkness surrounds me,
As I find myself alone, sitting here on these stairs.
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I look down and see countless steps
Stretching endlessly to the darkness below.
Memories appear from the abyss
beneath my weary feet, where uncertainty sways.
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As the wind rustles, and the looming darkness
Howls around me, I pray to you again.
Again, until the last time.
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Grant me, dear Father,
Entrance to your Holy Mind,
Manifest your thoughts to me,
And grant me understanding.
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Quiet becomes the wind, the stars brightening to light,
And stairs tumble down to reveal Heaven’s Door.
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“You have been standing
Outside these Gates for years,
Closing your eyes
And pretending to be alone.
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And you became frightened
By what that meant to you –
No one to love you,
No arms to embrace you.
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And your fears became visions,
Menacing and gruesome, come
To claim the life now left alone
And beyond heaven’s care.
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Running and kicking in your mind
You fled from those apparitions,
Sometimes briefly free,
Always just within my reach.
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And you hated me
For not saving you,
For not destroying
The enemy you made.
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Yet all along you stood,
At arms’ length, just outside heaven’s gate,
Your hands over your eyes
And crying, ‘I’m lost.’
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What loving Father
Would I be if I destroyed
What you made for yourself?
Would you not be afraid of me?
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If I suddenly grabbed you,
Shook you and dragged you inside,
Would you not hate me,
Thinking me a shadow in your dream?
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No, I have softly called to you,
Here, standing in our Home.
‘Stop playing foolish games,
Uncover your eyes, come inside.’
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Moments, just moments
Have passed, and you remember,
That game wasn’t very fun at all,
And so you heard your Father’s call.
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Come, now, dear child,
Take my hand and step inside.
I have prepared a Feast for you.
I am happy you have awokened at last.”
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Slowly I feel my hands
Raising from my eyes,
Lifting the veil of illusions
That now have become clear.
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The stairs have gone,
They were never really there.
I reached for something
That I always had inside.
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And in this moment,
The universe peacefully bends
Itself to me, pouring through me
In great waves of ecstasy.
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In just one final moment,
Heaven, at last, is here.
Here I find myself Home,
Here I find myself whole.
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Heavenly Father, you
Are the Heart of Hearts,
The Center of my Being,
In You I rest complete.
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This, my heart tells me, is Heaven.
And in this Place I am Home.
Everyone is with me
and we are never alone.
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