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An Obsession For Truth

When I was younger, I got into trouble telling lies to my parents.  It happened on more than one occasion.  I thought that I could escape the reality of my choices and actions by trying to convince them that the action didn’t really happen, or that I was not the cause of the action.  There were also times when I just plain kept things from the light of day, hoping that others would not find out.  More often than not, others did.  When that happened, it was back to trying to convince them that it didn’t happen like they thought, or at least, I was not at fault.  That rarely worked very well.

I learned through a number of not-so-serious experiences that lying brings more trouble than just facing the original problem for what it is.  Yes, we all make mistakes.  Yes, it’s difficult owning up to those mistakes.  It was always better, however, to own up for messing up than to have to continually lie to cover up the first lie, and certainly easier than having to face others as an exposed liar.  Instead of lying, I’ve learned it is always more beneficial to come face-t0-face with humility and accept the consequences for my actions instead of trying to hide.

Now that I’m older, I have developed less tolerance to lies, but more so to unrepentant lies, those lies that keep being told to save face, to cover up for mistakes, to fool others into thinking something different than the truth.  In fact, it could be said that I am, at times, obsessed with uncovering the truth.

This obsession has been good for the most part.  In my personal quest for spiritual truth, the obsession keeps me searching.  This constant search has expanded my mind and my awareness, and has made my life more complete.  Yet, in other areas of my life, that obsession has not always been easy on me.

For example, I consider my quest for political truth to be a very frustrating and confounding search.  As an activist who is always trying to understand the motivations of politicians, officials, corporations, etc., I am constantly bewildered.  Often the truth is so ugly that it is difficult to look at.  The more I scratch the surface, the more I discover how many lies and how much deception is laid over the truth.  And I always discover an increasing desire by those who aren’t being truthful to keep their lies hidden.

That is extremely disappointing, especially when one starts tumbling down the rabbit hole to find it seems to never end.  We hear all sorts of stories on the news about the deception perpetrated by some on others.  While it is difficult to read and comprehend, it never hits home as hard as lies in one’s personal life do.   When I am deceived by someone I know, I move through a variety of emotions.  I am angry.  I am hurt.  I am disappointed.  I am disgusted.  I am deflated.  And when the one telling me the lies continues not to fess up, I have this almost vindictive side of me take over in an attempt to expose the lies for what they are.

Even though, in my work as an activist, I attempt to expose the lies of corporations and politicians, exposing lies of those I encounter seems to become an obsession and I’ll stop at nothing until the lies are exposed to the light of day.  It bewilders my mind when the lies are exposed and the one telling the lies continues to be unrepentant and continues to project his/her facade of deception.  I don’t usually handle that well.

Many people do not understand this about me.  In my experience, the bigger the lie, the more difficult it is for people to see it for what it is.  People make a variety of excuses, pretend that the exposed truths are the lie, and then attack me for what I’ve done because I’m what they consider to be obsessed and vindictive.  Furthermore, it has become my experience that most people do not want to know the truth, they won’t seek it out, they won’t accept it when it is delivered to them, and will attack the messenger.

That is fine, I guess, but as I said above, this doesn’t make seeking the truth and exposing it any easier.  In my opinion, it seems that most people are fine living with a certain degree of deception, hiding their heads in the sands of denial, and pretending not to see.  In my personal experience with others, we all deceive ourselves to a certain degree and present a facade to others in the meantime.  They are okay with that.  They don’t want anyone coming along to rock their boat, shake up their world, challenge the “truths” they hold, or grab their head and make them see.

People actively resist the truth and do not understand those who seek it out.  This is, I believe, because seeking out the truth is almost always an uncomfortable situation to put one’s self in.  Having one’s paradigms shaken to the foundation is often a scary situation.  Furthermore, the retaliation of others who put up defenses against the truth and the threats and attacks leveled at the truth-seeker are enough to make one abandon such a quest.

As an idealist, I refuse to abandon this quest.  I cannot help but fall down the rabbit hole until I hit bottom.  As uncomfortable as that may be, it is who I am, through and through.  If for no other reason, my own personal integrity makes it difficult for me to be content with anything but the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.  Perhaps one day this will lead me to the gates of Heaven or Nirvana – whatever you want to call it.

The path is important to me.  This is why I choose to continue to walk it.  This is why I still search, long for, and settle for nothing else than the truth.  In my personal life, if someone creates an obstacle on this path by dropping the heavy burden of his/her lies, you can bet I will point it out.  That is my life’s path and I’ve been shown no other way, but to continue walking the path of truth.  If you’ve got something to hide, then stay out of my way, because you won’t like me or what I have to say.  And you certainly won’t like me lifting your veil.

 
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Posted by on August 25, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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